so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
