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he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
