so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
