I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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