If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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