professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
