he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
