There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
