You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
