Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
