There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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