East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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