If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
organizing the empties. That sober.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
