She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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