We're like a lot better than the average bears
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
