Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Mom said you looked used
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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