I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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