And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
