so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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