So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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