mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
