Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
