Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
