I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
