Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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