? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
