Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
