Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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