You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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