none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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