her vagine was all disorganized.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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