the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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