Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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