he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
