the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
