and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
