she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
