1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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