I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
