Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
