My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
