You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
