those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just cropdusted the office
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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