he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
