I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
