I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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