we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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