what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
