Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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