my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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