Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
