oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
