I will die if light touches me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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