it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
