im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
