I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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