i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
