I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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