Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
