your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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