i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
