Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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