he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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