yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
