what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Mom said you looked used
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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