I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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