just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
