I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
birth control should be required to get into college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
