Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love having hate sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
