Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
