Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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