I hate all girls vehemently.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
