im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
